Posted by: bossybetsy on: April 29, 2010
Dear Betsy,
Ugh. I have to go to my cousin’s wedding this weekend. There is no way I can get out of it. I don’t mind going so much, but the thing is, there are only two people in the whole world who think this marriage is going to last more than a year, tops, and I’m not even sure about the groom. It’s her second wedding (she’s 24) and his third (he’s 39). They met in rehab. My aunt and uncle are broke from the first wedding (and rehab), so my cousin and her husband-to-be are going into massive debt to pay for their big day. Then they’re going on a tour of Europe. With his teenage daughter. Do you see what I mean? No chance.
They’ve registered for cash. I guess you can do that now. Register. For cash. Here is my question: do I have to give them a present? I don’t want to be a jerk, but I can’t afford my own European vacations, let alone theirs. I would buck up if there were any hope of this thing working, but let’s be real. They’re going to split up before they even get to the Mona Lisa.
Sincerely,
Cousin Scroogey
Dear Scroogey,
Wow. Okay. I suppose I should argue with you about the potential longevity of this union, but I don’t think I can. I have a really good track record of attending weddings and predicting whether the marriages will last. I don’t think I’ve been wrong yet. In fact, I was just asking Ryan the other day whether he thought people would pay for my services. I’d go to your wedding, and then afterwards I’d issue a report detailing how long I think you’ll stay married. He contends that a) all of my prior predicting experience is with people I know, and b) nobody thinks they’re going to get divorced until they’re actually getting divorced, so no one would give me money to tell them the clock is ticking on their blessed union of souls.
Anyway. Back to you. The clock is definitely ticking on this one. But a wedding gift isn’t really a reward for picking the right person to marry. On the other hand, it seems like it’s turned into more of an in-kind payment for the party they’ve invited you to. Or a cash payment, I guess. I don’t like that. Gift should be given freely. They shouldn’t be demanded or expected. And it kind of seems like they expect their guests to bankroll their wedding.
I don’t know what Emily Manners would do in this situation, but what I would probably do is hold off on giving them a gift until after they get back from Europe. If they’re still together, get them a nice picture frame for one of their honeymoon photos. Because they’ll always have Paris. And divorce attorneys. But also Paris.
Hope that helps,
Betsy
Want to know if you’re on the pending divorce list? Email me at advice at bossybetsy.com.
